Keep that fire burning
Relationships are hard. Keeping your long term relationship going after several years can be even harder. Making sure sex is fun and pleasurable in a long term relationship can be harder still. No matter how you slice it, sex is an important part of most relationships. And a healthy sex life is vital for sexual and overall health. Here are 3 ways you and your partner can help keep your relationship sexy no matter how long you’ve been together.
- Stick it out
Sometimes it feels easier to throw your hands up and walk away than face the difficulties of navigating a long term relationship. Having the same fight over and over, or being annoyed by aspects of your partner’s personality can become exhausting. To be sure, there is an appropriate time to hit the road or send your partner packing, like when a relationship becomes emotionally or physically abusive. But if the relationship is still mostly healthy, mutual and respectful, it might be worth sticking through the hard times to see what comes of it.
We are constantly growing and evolving as people, and these changes can be difficult. That said, there’s something incredibly powerful and beautiful about going through tough times together and growing as a unit. If you do stick it out, and weather the storms, you might find you’ve added some serious energy and rejuvenation into your relationship. Energy that may just find its way into the bedroom.
- Don’t rely on spontaneous sex
At the beginning of a relationship, everything can feel new and exciting — especially when it comes to sex. There usually isn’t a lot of thought put into sex. Everything is so great that it just kind of happens. Sometimes it even happens several times in one night! As relationships grow however, that excitement tends to fade. You spend more time with one another, the stressors of life get in the way, and all of a sudden, you realize you haven’t had spontaneous sex in a few weeks.
Once you get to the point where sex isn’t as spontaenous as it used to be, you should look at planning sexy nights and sticking to the plan. Set the mood, incorporate some toys, oils and other sensual tools to make your night as sexy as possible, no matter that you’ve planned it ahead of time. It might sound unsexy in theory, but if you’re both onboard, scheduling sex can be just as enjoyable as spontaneous sex. And let’s face it — scheduled sex is better than no sex at all.
- Know thyself
Just because sex is almost always better when someone else is involved doesn’t mean you can’t do some of the prepwork yourself. For the most part, no matter how committed a relationship is, there’s some alone time. Use this time to experiment with different stimuli during masturbation to see what feels best. You can also reflect on past sexual experiences and try to recall what was the most exciting and pleasurable about them. Once you’ve got an idea of what makes you tick, don’t be afraid to share them with your partner.
Communicating about your own needs and wants will help your partner understand what you need and want. Just because you’ve spent many years together doesn’t mean your partner knows exactly what you like. Be open and direct before, during and after sex about what you’re liking about sex and what you need more of. But before you get there, you’re going to need to spend some alone time figuring out what the secret recipe is.